it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”
WHEN I WAS
A YOUNG BOY
found my mom burning on the celing, so he vouched to find the thing that killed her, and so me and my brother grew up on the road and was taught how to kill monsters
TO SEE A MARCHING BAND
take your brother outside as fast as you can
"Family gatherings" aka "90% of the people here are racist"
"and claim to be none of these things"
"they’re just joking"
"you’re just going through a phase"
"you’ll get used to it"
"so do you have a boyfriend yet?"
Scooby Doo is the most useless member of the scooby doo team why is the show named after him, the show should be called Velma
hate when i lose something and my parents says “well i guess u didnt care about it enough” like you’ve lost me in a grocery store before so
'you shouldn't eat that it's too fattening/full of calories'
*proceeds to eat both food and person*